The Metropolitan Museum of Art
AKA Things every woman wants on her wedding registry.
December 21, 2014
A few months ago when John and I were in New York we went to all the major, obligatory museums in the city: the Met, the MoMa, the Natural Museum of History, etc. While walking through the Met and its countless departments and installations, I realized that we were actually walking through the largest historic rich people wedding registry ever amassed**. Many of the displays featured household items from different periods and locations throughout history; however the only items that would be interesting to display in a museum would be those owned by the absurdly wealthy; things like solid gold mantlepiece clocks, statues, paintings, etc. Upon reading the descriptions of the items we discovered that many of them had at one point been gifted as wedding presents. Wedding present my ass. Here's a list of things from the Met I would totally accept as a present if I got married.
**This fact is in no way confirmed.
I love instruments, especially when they're made from rare or precious metals. A solid gold guitar might not sound good but I'll take one anyways.
Additionally, if I can't find real men to hold my piano (harpsichord) on their backs I guess I'll settle for statues. Plus a weird cherub baby on a sea shell.
Silver Tea Kettle
This tea kettle isn't just gilded with silver. It's actually cast with solid silver. Let's just say I wouldn't want to be the person in charge of keeping this absolutely necessary household item tarnish free.
Is boiling water in silver toxic? No. But the jealousy friends and family will feel when being served from this tea kettle most certainly is.
Silver Poury Thingy
I have no idea what this thing is called, but I want one! In addition to pouring things this object can be melted down and sold if the couple falls on hard times. It's like the swiss army knife of ornate household objects.
DIY Crown Moldings
We are definitely in the DIY age where people make things from clothes to furniture to moldings. Just follow the instructions on this Pinterest page, dedicate a few years of your life, several thousand dollars and your sanity and voila! You could totally have these moldings for yourself.
Urns of our day.
Finally, a tasteful urn to hold all of the different colored balls I use to calculate statistics. Since this urn is clear I have to close my eyes when selecting the balls so I don't mess with the integrity of my calculations.
Vases that make total sense with your current decor.
These vases make total sense with my current mix of Ikea and garage sale furniture. They can also be used to hold random colored balls and calculate statistics, plus since they're opaque you don't have to close your eyes. Linear regression analysis here we come!**
**You don't really use balls and urns for linear regressions.
Candlesticks any woman would be embarrassed to be without.
A woman needs absurdly ornate candlesticks like a fish needs a bicycle. So basically not at all, but wouldn't it be cool if a fish had a bicycle? I bet he would be super happy and totally self-actualized.
I especially like these ornate gold candlesticks that were attached to mirrors.
I want this bed.
It's weird, it's all the same color, and it has curtains. Plus it totally matches the throw pillows on my couch which is always a valid justification for owning something.
I actually would want these chandeliers because they are awesome.
Also, I want to line my dining room with creepy, cold statues of famous historic figures. It's the kind of dinner vibe your kids can talk about in therapy for years to come.
Appropriately Sized Flower Arrangements
Flower arrangements, like cookies, should never be smaller than your face. However, if you really want to do flower arrangements correctly they should never be smaller than a baby elephant. These vases all hold real flowers, which are the continued gift of a patron of the Met. It might seem a little excessive, but these are probably one of the cheapest items in the museum.