I am Kitten Hear Me Roar!!
December 29, 2014
This is the story about how we came to have a kitten in Vietnam. I imagine that it will be my most read blog post, which I will attribute to my pith and wit.
Almost two weeks ago now John and I were in our room one evening working when we heard this strange, high pitched noise outside. Upon investigation we found a tiny kitten huddled in the corner of an outdoor cage next to our homestay. We found the owners of the homestay to ask about the kitten, and it turns out the husband had bought him on an impulse because "westerners like pets." It seemed cruel to leave him outside, but he wasn't our kitten and we didn't know much about pet culture in Vietnam.
When we woke up the next morning we found the kitten tied up in the outside patio meowing relentlessly. The owners of the homestay have a 2 month old baby so they can't bring him inside. The little guy is so tiny (probably only 5 weeks old when he first arrived) and it's been cold and rainy out. Not to mention there are feral cats and massive rats running around the neighborhood who could eat him in one bite, so we decided he couldn't live outside at this age.
When I brought him inside he was so happy to be out of the cold; he curled up on my lap and slept all day while I worked. The longer we've been at this homestay the clearer it's become that the husband didn't think through buying the kitten. The workers at the homestay don't really want to take care of him and there's no place for him to go outside without being tied up on a leash. They fed him fish with bones still inside, which is not good for tiny kittens with tiny stomachs and tiny intestines. Additionally, in Vietnam people don't show animals nearly as much affection as they do in the states, which is fine for their family pets but wouldn't work for a cat that was expected to constantly socialize with homestay guests. Also, they like to wack animals on the head which I'm not a fan of. So now, kitten basically spends all his time with us, which means he has the best life ever.
It turns out that kitten is actually an excellent software engineer. "Um, John, you're missing a colon at the end of the function declaration on line 37 and you spelled 'organization' wrong."
"Here, I'll do it."
"But I am le tired."
"Fine, we will nap, and then we will fire the missiles!"
"Apple, I has your new marketing strategy. Me!"
Turns out Kitten has a really good knack for marketing and brand management; namely, he knows what compels people to buy. Adorableness and strategic brand placement.
Kitten has definitely taken a page out of the Russ Heddleston playbook: "Oh no, I've fallen and I can't get up! I guess I'll just take a nap."
Don't worry, we tormented him with costumes on Christmas, as would any self-respecting American.
Here, he's angry and hurt and can't believe this is happening to him.
Now he's trying to remove the costume.
Then he moves on to escape attempts.
Finally, he is resigned to fate but he's not going to be happy about it.